HOME

"You go east, you go west; but home is always best"  -Taxi driver

I have stared this post a million times but haven't quite known how to express how I'm feeling.  Don't think that I'm unstable.  I'm fine.  Or at least I know I will be fine.  We have a saying with some friends in London when things are not going our way: "Life is in shambles--things are not well". It basically is an over dramatic way of expressing your situation is not ideal.  The past few months, life has felt like its in shambles.  The final straw was the passing of my sweet nephew Keith from a year and a half battle with brain cancer. Being so far away from family, made me desperately want to be at home in Yakima, preferably in my parents bed, so they could tell me everything would be ok.  I know I'm an adult but you never stop needing your parents no matter how old you are. Fast forward several weeks and I got my wish to be at home in Yakima, even if it was only for a few days.  

My favorite fruit--Johnsons.  Been coming here since I was a kid.  Mom let me pick whatever I wanted--I  got a little carried away: Asian pears, blueberries, nectarines, and LOTS of apples.

 

While I was in Yaktown, I fell asleep by the pool and when I woke up I was a little disoriented   When I realized I was at home in my parent's backyard, I felt like everything would be ok.  It was the first time I felt that way in a long time--It's amazing how a place can make you feel that way.  I haven't lived on the west coast in over 10 years...this is not a coincidence.  I love coming home but have loved living in some amazing places and being able to come home a few weeks a year.  This last trip was a sweet reminder of how great Yakima is mostly because it was fall and the apples were on the trees waiting to be harvested.  And because it just always feels safe (and I don't mean safe like no crime or illegal activities because besides fruit that is what Yaktown is known for!) but safe like everything will be ok. 

 

I spent almost five weeks at home, most of which was spent with my siblings.  As an adult, I've realized what an important role siblings play in our lives.  Roommates change. Friends move away.  But family doesn't change.  You can't pick your family even if wish you could and I'm convinced at some point everyone wishes they had a different family.  But then you grow up and realize how great it is to have such amazing siblings. They have been my biggest cheerleaders the past few months and know when I need to laugh and when I need to cry.  My last night at in the states we had a random three hour mini reunion with the sisters while the little sisters were on their way to a marathon.  Chats with my sisters are one of my favorite things. We are all in very different phases in our lives but we never seem to lack in the fun department whether we're discussing reality TV, the presidential debates, my love life, ward crazies, life decisions, grief, hair products or dinner in a pumpkin:)  

And of course I can't forget the rental units that made it all possible.  They're pretty incredible too!

As the healing process continues, I'm learning that it is just that: a process.  There are good days and bad days and I'm learning to accept random, uncontrollable, unexpected outbursts of tears.  Like when I was going through customs at the airport and I the customs officer asked why I'll was traveling.  I think he stamped my passport just to get me and my emotional state through the line as fast as possible. After the funeral, remember was really painful.  I didn't want reminders but I'm learning that remembering is good.  I want to remember that Keith was the ONLY member of my family that enjoyed good quality movies like the Secret of Nimh and would actually watch with me.  He helped me memorize the Rescue Aid Society song from the original Rescuers because we once watched it five times in one day.  (I can sing the song in its entirety if you're ever interested). He taught me how to endure hard things, how to be positive, the meaning of meekness, and how to love unconditionally.  I've never met someone so selfless who was always more concerned about others before himself and he was only four.  I've got a lot to work on to be a little more like Keith which is why remembering him is so important. Even if it's painful.